This is my eulogy from our memorial service for Grams today...I would like to again say thanks to all of our family/friends who have been keeping us in your prayers. The past three months have been emotional to say the least.
Also, we have started our team page for the 2011 Memory Walk. Betty's Marbles will once again be fighting to end Alzheimer's by raising funds and awareness. SAVE THE DATE and plan to join us for the walk (Oct 1, 2011) and I will be sending many more updates as the walk approaches with t-shirt orders, walk plans, etc. We're really hoping to make this our biggest year yet - more walkers on our team and more money to the cause. Please consider making a donation now in memory of my Grams!
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I can’t believe I was standing here less than 3 months ago sharing my goodbye to Paps. I’m once again reminded how connected he and Grams truly were. They were soul-mates in every sense of the word and I know they are happy to be together again.
For every lesson about the real world and working hard Paps taught me, Grams taught me the equally important lessons of making a home and making yourself happy.
I don’t remember Grams ever “cleaning.” Not to say that she didn’t clean or that the house was messy. She was constantly giving everything a “lick and a promise.” I still do this to this day in my house and probably drive Dave nuts. Although I haven’t perfected it like she had…I’d rather spend my minutes with my children, husband, friends or simply doing something that makes me happy – just like she seemed to.
Grams loved shopping and always bought what she wanted. It was never anything too big…but it was always nice – sometimes it was a new purse or a piece of jewelry. She explained that women deserved nice things and sometimes you just have to get it for yourself. There were always gifts under the Christmas tree marked “To Me…From Me.” And she was right. We have to take care of ourselves so that we can be the best moms, wives, daughters, etc. that we can be. Our personal happiness is so important and she taught me that from an early age.
Grams was a pro in the kitchen. She could perfectly chop vegetables for the world’s best macaroni salad – and thank God she taught my dad how to chop and cook because I love that macaroni salad! She didn’t leave dirty dishes in her sink for long and often did dishes while she cooked…she would say, it is easier if you just clean as you go – that is a lesson I, unfortunately, didn’t learn. She never served a meal without dessert. It might be a prepackaged cookie after a simple sandwich, but there was something sweet to end every meal. Although I wondered how that was possible for someone with diabetes, I never questioned her food choices. To this day, I blame her and Paps for my sweet teeth.
There are several of my other quarks that I blame on her too. She wouldn’t touch her drink until after she ate everything. She had an aversion to taking pills and saved them until after the meal as well. She would move the pile from place to place and finally force herself to take them – one by one. It was always a bickering moment between her and Paps. He would dump his mountain of pills in his cereal bowl and catch them on his spoon – the more the better at one time and during meals he’d often need 2 or 3 refills. Guess what? I hardly ever touch my drink before I eat my entire meal and sometimes I’ll sit there for upwards of an hour trying to take my 1 multivitamin. All I can say is thanks a lot Grams!
Grams loved soap operas and John Wayne westerns. She got me watching General Hospital from an early age. I’d rush home from school to catch the latest Port Charles news. I think she had 4 or 5 different soap operas that she would watch on a daily basis. I never understood how she could keep all of the characters and ridiculous plot lines separate. As for westerns, I don’t think there was one that she hadn’t seen or wouldn’t watch again. She also hated the sound of sneakers on a basketball court and would often leave the room if Paps put a game on.
Grams loved playing cards and all games for that matter. As for cards, she taught me how to play Pinochle, Hearts, Dirty Foot Canasta, Euchre, Rummy and a host of others. At the end of the day, cards and freshly popped popcorn were often our entertainment. She also enjoyed going to the casino with Paps. I remember going with them several times. She would sit at the same penny machine for hours and press random buttons – no strategy, no maximum bets each time, no idea what she was doing and she always cashed in more than any of us did and she loved nothing more than to win at any game she played! She was very competitive and the luckiest person I’ve ever known.
Grams taught me early on about diabetes and was always checking my blood sugar. She made me give her an insulin shot once a year so that I’d know what to do if I ever needed to do it. She always had candy in her purse and frozen OJ in her freezer and in the motorhome – just in case. And I can remember two incidences where I had to get her both to bring her out of a diabetic attack. I am constantly aware of my diabetes chances because of her and pray that she taught me things I will never have to use on myself.
She loved taking my sister and I out for “Secrets.” I remember thinking it was a secret. Looking back, obviously everyone knew what we were doing…but what a fun tradition to have with her. She would take us to McDonalds or Frisch’s for ice cream Sundays and we would sit there for hours just talking and having fun together.
She hated her middle name and told me to NEVER name my kids after her. Well, I didn’t use her middle name…and I think she would agree that Lyla Betty is perfect!
Paps and Grams were always sending us mail – postcards and actual gifts. They were almost always in Tucson for our birthdays and Christmas…The big box would arrive and I remember having to wait until the actual day to open the gifts. To say that she had odd taste is an understatement. I can remember a kilt that was a million sizes too big and embarrassing things like training bras that I had to open in front of everyone…but the important thing is that she never missed a celebration. She signed all of her cards with Xs and Os and I almost always had to have help reading her self-labeled “Chicken Scratch.”
How fitting for someone who loved chickens. Anyone who knows Grams knows that she loved chickens. They were everywhere – salt and pepper shakers, wall decorations, stuffed animals, dishes, etc. Paps even made her chicken jewelry…
And speaking of jewelry. I never saw her without it, with the exception of my last couple trips out west. She didn’t just have a lot of jewelry, she used every piece. She switched her earrings all of the time and had a coordinating necklace set – yes, sometimes up to 5 different necklaces – that went with every single outfit. She always had a gold anklet on and several gold bracelets. She never went a day without her watch and proudly wore all of the works of art from Paps, especially on her many hats. When she first went into the Alzheimer’s home, I remember Paps telling me that he took her mardi gras beads and she just loved them. For a long time, every time he’d go to visit her, he’d take her a new necklace.
She always made her bed and wouldn’t get up until she was ready to do so. I remember Paps coming upstairs to get to work and telling me that Grams was still in bed. I’d run down and climb in next to her. I loved talking to her during those times…no teeth in, no glasses on…always wearing a cute nightgown…and looking so tiny lying in their double bed…I have no idea what we talked about…nothing too important, I guess…but when I’m laying in my bed talking to Edwin and soon enough Lyla will join us and we are talking about nothing important – I know now that those are the minutes they will treasure forever…just as I do.
Grams always had her nails painted perfectly. As soon as the paint started to chip, it was time to take it all off and do it again. Every trip to the grocery included buying new nailpolish and we’d get home to find that it was exactly the same color. She had dozens of the same color nailpolishes. What can you say? She knew what she liked and even when she tried to do something new…she always found her way back to the norm and she was comfortable with that.
I don’t think I ever heard her complain…about her life, her missed opportunities, Paps, never about anything. She was content and I believe happy in every way.
I could go on and on. She was everything a grandma should be. She loved me so much and never missed an opportunity to tell or show me. Bottom line is she was PERFECT.
In the past few months, I’ve been reminded that we can’t control what happens, but we can choose how we react. I’m choosing to continue my support of the Alzheimer’s Association’s fight to find a cure in memory and honor of Grams. Our family team, Betty’s Marbles will continue to participate in fundraising efforts and I pray with all of my might that I never have to watch this disease take over someone I love again. I urge you to do the same. Let’s choose to be thankful for her life. Let’s choose to be thankful that her battle with Alzheimer’s has finally come to an end. And most importantly, let’s choose to be thankful that she and Paps are now together forever and resting in peace.
Wrapping up Madeline's birthday week (HAHA), she selected Ruby Tuesday's as her restaurant of choice. If you haven't had the guacamole there, then it is a must for you next time. It was fantastic and freshly made! Being that the cake was long gone from her party, we got some Handel's ice cream for dessert. The girls are BIG mint chocolate chip fans....stemming I believe from our Fletcher side ( mom's family). Meredith decided that she would "wrap" herself up as a gift to Madeline.
