The Camaraderie Exemption for Sports Fans

In response to my cousin DJ’s Facebook status from earlier today, I’ve been inspired to weigh-in with my theories on rooting on a team that’s not your own (or sports bigamy as Bill Simmons calls it). Here’s DJ’s question:

Question for my friends who are Penguins faithful:
Is it wrong for me to wear the jersey of another team? They are not a direct rival....although they are in the same conference.

A little background: my cousin was born and raised in Pennsylvania, spending the better part of his first 18-years of life in the Pittsburgh suburbs. So the Penguins to which he refers are the of the hockey variety, the 3-time Stanley Cup-winning NHL champion Pittsburgh Penguins. (This clarity provided for my Youngstown peeps who might be thinking of the NCAA FCS version or any Clark College or Dominican University readers I may have.)

DJ—er, maybe I should start calling him Don since he hasn’t been DJ since we were, like 11-years-old…ahhh screw it, he always be DJ to me (sorry, Cuz)—now lives in Indianapolis with his lovely wife and two wonderful children. As a sports fan whose fave team is 289-miles to the Northeast, I can feel his pain.

It’s fun to root for the local team. Anyone who’s spent a full weekend day at a sports bar, straining his neck to watch his team on a muted, 32-inch standard def TV, while fans of the local team cheer on every TD in unison, turning their heads in any direction to find the game on a pristine 72-inch screen knows what I’m talking about. So I have devised the Camaraderie Exemption for sports fandom. Since I’m only a wannabe Penguin fan, who just can’t get into hockey (we’re supposed to dislike the Flyers and Caps, right?), I’ll have to use examples from the NFL.

So here are the 5 simple tenets of being granted the Camaraderie Exemption:

1. You live in another city more than 250-miles from the city of your team.
2. The city you live has another team right there in town (in the ‘burbs at least), e.g. Milwaukee doesn't get you a pass for the Packers, Tucson doesn’t get you an exemption for the Cardinals (and why anyone would to use their exemption on the Arizona Cardinals is a mystery to me).
3. The local team is not in the same conference of your team. I repeat, conference, not division.
4. The local team does not have some sort of historic rivalry with your team. So if we were talking NBA, a native Bostonian who moved to LA couldn’t adopt the Lakers, but that should go without saying.
5. Every 4 years you must temporarily renounce the bigamy, when Steelers play the respective NFC division in the schedule rotation. It should also go without saying that this rule applies to Super Bowl match-ups against an exempted team.

I really struggled with #3 and thought about making intra-division border crossing the only no-no. But the more I thought about it, intra-conference inter-division rivalries are too flexible. Teams play those games much more frequently than inter-conferences games, so when both teams get good at the same time for a stretch, big regular season showdowns for playoff position, and worse, recurring playoff match-ups will naturally occur. A Steeler fan in Massachusetts would be fine in the early ‘90s cheering on the Pats. But things would’ve gotten difficult in the mid-to-late ‘90s, and downright brutal for the entirety of the ‘00s.

I guess an argument against me here is cheering for a team that perpetually stinks. But first off, even terrible franchises have good runs every once in a while (for NFC fans, see Rams ‘99-‘01). And even if a team was perpetually awful, why waste the Camaraderie Exemption being miserable by supporting the Buffalo Bills?

So in the interest in providing excruciating detail that no one but me cares about, here’s my rundown of the Camaraderie Exemption for the Steelers:

• The rest of the AFC – all 15 teams, out.
• NFC East – Cowboys and Eagles are obviously out. Close call, but I sense the Redskins are clear. They’re just barely outside my completely arbitrary 250-mile rule, and plus I just don’t feel any sense of ‘Burgh/DC tension (outside of hockey). Same for the Giants, they’re clear too. Granted, I haven’t lived in Pittsburgh since 1984, so if any lifelong yinzers wanna weigh-in on any DC or NYC vitriol, be my guest.
• The entire NFC North (Lions/Bears/Packers/Vikings) is clear. Like my DC/NYC comment, if there’s any leftover feelings from Super Bowl IX that would rule out the Vikes, please fill me in (we won handedly, right, so who cares?). Also, if you feel the need to relocate to Detroit, you may have bigger things to worry about besides NFL rooting interests.
• The entire NFC South (Atlanta/Charlotte/Tampa Bay/New Orleans) is clear as well. Although those two brutal match-ups last decade—blowing a 17-pt 4th quarter lead to end up tying in ‘02 and the Santonio Holmes rookie turnoverfest causing a undeserved loss in that put us well on our way to a 2-6 start in ‘06—still weighed heavily on me, I’m giving the Falcons a pass. Important note, the NFC South is NOT clear for the ‘10 season, as the Steelers face off against that division this year in the rotation.
• Ahhh, the NFC West. I may be contradicting myself here because the flexibility of intra-conference rivalries that negates exemptions in that category comes into play heavily here. First off, Rams are fine (again, similar to the Vikings in SB IX, if you harbor residual Super Bowl XIV resentment, and again, the good guys won, why?). This may be controversial, but I say the Cardinals are fine too. Super Bowl XVIII was great. It’s over. Let’s move on. The 49ers and Seahawks are out though. The Niners because they’re one of the few threats to the record number of Lombardi trophies. In fact, they had the lead for 11-years from ‘95-‘06. The Seahawks are out due to their fans incessant whining from Super Bowl XL. Yes, there were a bunch of questionable and ticky-tack calls. Most went Pittsburgh’s way. You still lost by 11. Get over it.

So to summarize the Camaraderie Exemption for Steeler fans. Exemptions will be granted for residents of the following cities:

1. Washington, DC (temporary ban in 2012)
2. New York, NY (temporary ban in 2012)
3. Detroit, MI (temporary ban in 2013)
4. Chicago, IL (temporary ban in 2013)
5. Green Bay, WI (temporary ban in 2013)
6. Twin Cities, MN (temporary ban in 2013)
7. Charlotte, NC (temporary ban in 2010)
8. Atlanta, GA (temporary ban in 2010)
9. Tampa Bay Area, FL (temporary ban in 2010)
10. New Orleans, LA (temporary ban in 2010)
11. St. Louis, MO (temporary ban in 2011)
12. Phoenix, AZ (temporary ban in 2011)

So those are the overriding principals of Camaraderie Exemption in terms of determining bigamy-fandom is acceptable. Feel free to do this analysis for your fave team in any sport.

But there is also the Camaraderie Exemption sub-rule 12E-L22 that applies to team paraphernalia in such circumstances: get a hat, a tee-shirt if you must, but cool it on the jersey.